i just had sex bonerless
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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