bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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