rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
