dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
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