Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
