Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
