Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
