After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
