Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
