i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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