apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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