A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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