I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
