When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
