so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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