New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
