You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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