Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
