I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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