Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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