dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Jerry, you need to find god
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
