They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
