i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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