omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
