we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Randomize
