I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I'm always down for nudity.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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