She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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