Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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