11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
