Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
