i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
