last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
