So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
