I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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