the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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