The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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