all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
ugly people sure do ruin things
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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