You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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