Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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