After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
