Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I am naked and annoyed.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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