sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize