I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
