Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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