is your mom at the bar?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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