highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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