Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
