last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
where does the pee come out of this thing
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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