So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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