FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
