In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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