Your face is a jimmy john
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
