If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
