I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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