I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize