The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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