I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
