i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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