I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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