Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
It was a blind-side dick pic.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
