The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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