i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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