I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
