I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
tell me about the eggs
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
