The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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