I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
