I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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