We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Randomize
