What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Randomize
