literally had 100 drinks last night.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
