24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Randomize
