So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
where are you?
Hypothermia
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
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