I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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