if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
