Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
