Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
